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So I failed miserably at doing a lot of serious work this weekend. Tried, but blocked. I'll have to play catch up this week. Work more.
It happens. Hopefully, tomorrow things will flow smoother.
In the meantime, Water Tribe reworked pages.

The only major change happened in the Nauja and Zhao fight. Skuffle. Whatever you want to call it.
In the first panel of page 118, I was really tempted to add in a caption for Zhao's thought.
I then decided to let the reader make it up instead.
I'm so glad I'm not writing prose- I would have had to write it and possibly mess it up.


( 27 comments — Leave a comment )
May. 12th, 2008 07:00 am (UTC)
i have a confession- i've never read 'water tribe'.
i read the whole thing and it got up to nauja and zhao's fight. i was bummed to have to wait for new pages.

and pretty much made my day <3
May. 12th, 2008 07:11 am (UTC)
Welcome aboard then! Very glad to have you along for the ride, hope you'll enjoy it. :)
And you will always have to wait for new pages. That's the curse of the darn thing.
May. 12th, 2008 07:26 am (UTC)
Pshh no extra caption needed!! love the last page especially xD.

aghh the motions are all so flawless :
May. 12th, 2008 02:30 pm (UTC)
Thank you!
Hmmm...I always think I could tweak the poses. Forever and forever tweak them. Got to let go at some point though.
May. 12th, 2008 08:57 am (UTC)
I love comparing your old version to your new one! Wonderful job and love the little additions in shots and expressions! :)
May. 12th, 2008 02:31 pm (UTC)
Thank you- the crits given in the first round really did help me to rethink certain pages. Others I'm too lazy to tweak too much.
(Deleted comment)
May. 12th, 2008 02:34 pm (UTC)
The vase needs more sympathy than Lao.
Thank you! I see Sozin also approves. Must be the last, firebending panel.
May. 12th, 2008 01:33 pm (UTC)
Oooo, p. 118... His expression... Yeah, that doesn't need a caption. Your art does it all, I think.

On p. 120, you might want to move her "why?" over a little, to show even more that it's "first little panel, then big panel, then second little panel" as the flow of conversation?

p. 122: I'd use "until he arrived" instead of "until he'd arrive".
Hee! The poor vase! O:D

The YOU CAN'T FIREBEND panel rocks. And one could feel a little sorry for the poor blighter. Just a little. Broken vase and all that. On the other hand... SOLD NAUJA BABIES! HE MUST PAY!

*squees at you in general, and especially for that wordless Zhao(ka?) panel and the last one there*
May. 12th, 2008 02:38 pm (UTC)
P.120- you know what? I never could make up my mind which panel I wanted the reader to read first! It kinda works, in the sense that you could read one before the other. But I'll try and move the "why?" a little, see if it helps.
Will change for 122.

Lao got all his views on the value of human lives screwed up during the war. It doesn't excuse him at all, mind you.
May. 12th, 2008 07:54 pm (UTC)
*giggle* I think the p. 120 conversation moves a little better in that zig-zag, but if you want to preserve a bit of ambiguity, that also works.

And Lao did. And it doesn't excuse him at all.

Does he realize he's risking burning down his storeroom of Precious Things, in that glorious firebird of flame? O:D
May. 12th, 2008 08:05 pm (UTC)
He's pretty good at controlling fire- would probably manage to stopit before anything precious gets burned.
(or maybe that's why he throws Zhao out in the next page)
May. 12th, 2008 03:45 pm (UTC)
*dies laughing over horrified Lao and dot-eyed Zhao*
Wonderful action as always!
May. 12th, 2008 04:50 pm (UTC)
I don't get to do enough of these more pushed, silly expressions. These are fun!
May. 12th, 2008 04:42 pm (UTC)
Gawd, you just make me want to dive more and more into comics xD I love the pages, the humor, the story, the layouts, the poses, the EXPRESSIONS...everything just has so much life! /gush

Ok...so I'm totally pumped for the next page(s)! I'm just kind of like "Aaaaaaa Nauja be careful! Aaaaaa Zhao look out!" xDDDD -SUSPENSED-
May. 12th, 2008 08:06 pm (UTC)
Dive, dive, diiiive!

btw, aren't you about to post a comic on the web? Did I dream that up? Looking forward to it, if I didn't imagine it :D
May. 12th, 2008 09:39 pm (UTC)
I am! It's kind of funny, cause usually when I'm lacking a lot on comic creativity/motivation, you end up posting more pages or something xD And then I get all revved up and sappy again 8D Haha -nerd-

And yes! I'm doing a couple actually. I'm working on some side comics...which are just mini comic ideas filled with...lots of randomness and retardation. And they mostly have the main Avatar characters. Then there's the actual comic I'm working on with a couple of friends that's geared more toward a future generation (long after the war ends, Aang dies and the air nation repopulates, etc). The first page has actually already been posted on my DA C:

May. 12th, 2008 05:47 pm (UTC)
Oh Zhao you are in DEEEEEEEEP shit man.

I love the expressions an the action, it's so clean and expressive.
May. 12th, 2008 08:07 pm (UTC)
He puts himself in these situation, haha!
(or is that my fault...naaaaah)
Thank you :)
May. 12th, 2008 06:36 pm (UTC)
The contrast of this moment of stillness drives even more kick into the next round of ass-whupping. It's fitting that that the relentless Zhao can only be subdued when someone he respects holds up a mirror. He may have no self control, but the only thing that can stop him is still himself. Well, that and the 100 ft Codzilla.

This reminds me of the moment where Horuk puts an end to Zhao's South Pole freakout by his words just as much as the knife to the neck.

There's so much action in your comic, the silent moments really shine. I also love the bit at the end of the story where Zhao, unconscious, regains his firebending. The image of the boat on fire, which we barely see, reminds me of a viking funeral, where the warrior is rewarded in the afterlife.
May. 12th, 2008 08:13 pm (UTC)
You hit the nail on the head there: if anything, the hurt of being shown (and literally shoved) the wrong stuff he is doing by those that used to be closest to him seems to calm him down a moment.
Will he learn any lessons in the long run, who knows.

May. 12th, 2008 06:46 pm (UTC)
Hehe. No need to "insert caption here", since the poses and expressions say it all. BTW, anyone got a fire extinguisher? XD
May. 12th, 2008 08:08 pm (UTC)
Makes one wonder if there are needs for fire extinguisher on a fire nation boat.
May. 13th, 2008 12:56 am (UTC)
That depends upon the commander's view of disciplinary action. ^_^
May. 12th, 2008 10:29 pm (UTC)
Fun sequence - I'm really learning a lot from this -
Some small suggestions - (they're usually to emphasize a bit more drama and/or suspense - or for more contrast to panel flow)

116 - pn. 1 - Bigger figure, touching left side of panel - pn.2- expression of surprise
117 - nice!
118 - More tense expression on Zhao, pn. 1
119 - Very nice - pn. 2 - same bg and size as pn. 1 (slapstick effect)
120 - A lot of 180%-ish movement, but interestingly done.
121- Very nice
122 - Replace pn. 4 with pn. 5 and vice versa.
123 - Very nice.
124 - Super.

All the best on catching up!

May. 19th, 2008 05:40 am (UTC)
Once again, very good observations.
I do notice your suggestions of swapping panel order very often. I was wondering if there was a storytelling reason for that? A sort of pacing logic? It very well could be something I don't know, since I'm learning comics as I go along. If you do have some knowledge of it, I would be very glad to hear! Any good reasons to learn more :)
May. 18th, 2008 06:54 am (UTC)
Here is some nauja/zhao fanart for you! Just because Water Tribe is the most amazing thing ever conceived.
May. 19th, 2008 05:37 am (UTC)
Many many thanks for the gift art. It is lovely!
( 27 comments — Leave a comment )

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